Life can be book with a missing epilogue

Muffins

2010-09-19T21:23:00.001-07:00

Pumpkin chip muffins have always signaled fall in our family. I've learned to whittle my mom's recipe down to make less than the 4 dozen that it creates. Back in the day, that was needed, since each of us would easily down one within 10 minutes of emerging from the oven.

These pictures were from last Thanksgiving where bits of our windblown family gathered for some food and fun. My sister-in-law Mary downscaled the pumpkin chip muffins to "mini" for the weekend, and my nephew Owen devoured more than any of us could actually figure out later when he said he felt sick.

Last week I tried something new (gasp). Given the pumpkin shortage, pumpkin can be difficult to come by, and cooking a pumpkin is not considered a "quick" task by any means. Especially if you love drying and eating the pumpkin seeds even half as much as I do. No, cooking a pumpkin becomes a full-fledged half day task.

So while meandering through Penzey's with my mom [side note: don't worry about me spending money on Michigan ave., worry about Penzey's Spices] I came across a new recipe for sweet potato muffins. Simple enough, it calls for two cups of mashed sweet potato into a muffin recipe which I was missing any type of chocolate for. It doesn't happen often, but I didn't have a single chocolate chip in the apartment (minus all of the roll aways under the fridge). So, I was happy to create a mix of coconut, toasted walnuts, and craisins to throw into the batter, scatter it into approximately 14 muffin tins, and sprinkle them with cinnamon/sugar. I individually wrap them to eat with lunch or dinner or on-call-4am-snack. Basically, they are good, all the time.

They didn't effectively make as many as promised, and in the future I will only make 12 to have them turn out as big as normal sized non-midget muffins. But it didn't affect their taste at all. Tomorrow I promise to edit this blog to include the recipe. When I find it. Because you'll want to try it.

Sour Cherries

2010-09-19T20:48:00.001-07:00

I'll only ever know sour cherry pie. To this day, I have yet to pour cherry pie filling into a pie-crust. It just doesn't happen like that. It has nothing to do with being a foodie (well, maybe a little). It has a lot to do with using the fruits in season. Mainly, the sour cherry tree in the backyard. Why would I ever use cherry pie filling when I could use fresh apples or peaches? Why use any frozen or canned fruit when I could just whip up a chocolate cream pie in the middle of winter? Or better yet, defrost one of those 6 cherry pies frozen in the freezer.

One of my best memories as a child was standing on teetering jury-rigged ladders(on a hill) with my sister behind our house with buckets hanging from our necks by twine. My grandma would be covered with an apron, standing on a ladder nearby picking her own bucket at warped speed. We tried to pit the cherries while picking, and it eliminated the tedious task from the pie-makers. Have you ever picked enough cherries for 6 pies? It's a lot. By the time the task was done, I would have sticky sour cherry juice in my already frizzy hair, covering my arms and dripping down my shirt.

Over the years our cherry trees fell sick to the black knot disease and have now all been cut down. It wasn't until I started trying to find sour cherries on my own at farmers' markets that I realized just how fortunate I was to grow up with sour cherry trees in my backyard.

Coming up to breathe

2010-09-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

This summer/fall I....

- Haven't been baking. It's been too hot to have an oven on in a 3rd story walk up

- Haven't been traveling. Plane tickets require money and time off. Neither are readily available.

- Haven't been seeing enough of people I love. Definitely haven't been seeing enough of the little people that I love in this world, mainly 7 people under 8. (I can't believe my oldest niece is 8 now!)

- Haven't been loving the traffic in Chicago. Doubling commute times means less time for sleep.

- Haven't been second-guessing my FNP major anymore. I love it. I'm in it for the long haul.

- Haven't been working full-time anymore. I ran out of days in the week to accommodate school days and work days.

- Haven't been reading enough. But I DID finish Atlas Shrugged.

- Haven't ceased to be amazed by friendships in my life.

- Haven't ceased to be amazed by God's unfailing unconditional love.

But I....

-Have been loving all the free concerts I can soak up in Chicago. Remember: stars can be seen at Ravinia after dark. Return as often as possible.

-Have joined a band. It's great to be playing music again. We all make time for the things that are important to us, right?

-Have new neighbors! My old dear ones moved out, and I have new ones. I suddenly
feel old, since they are 20 and 21.

-Have realized how quickly plans can disintegrate.

-Have agreed to be day-of-wedding coordinator for a friend.

-Have agreed to help make 1,000 paper cranes for the wedding of another friend.

-Have wondered how I will make them repay these tasks in the future.

-Have run another half-marathon. I didn't think it was going to happen due to random issues with back/neck nerves this past year(I guess that's what you get for a life of 50% patient care and 50% computer use).

-Have successfully survived a summer of Women's Health and started a Fall quarter of Pediatrics. Do I feel like I'm still playing with dolls like I was when I was 6? Maybe, but don't tell the parents.

-Have a simply amazing physician as a preceptor for pediatrics. When I walked in today, she held up $350 worth of required textbooks that I've been putting off buying, and said "Hey, do you want these, they are old editions, but I'm getting new ones for free and these are still just fine." I love her already.

-Have continued to love my job, as crazy as it may seem some days, I wouldn't exchange this experience for anything. Even when it means being at the hospital for 24 hours, like I will be tomorrow.

-Have taken on once again, the planning of Jenner school physicals in Cabrini Green. The support of the leadership and staff at the school and church is an amazing thing to be part of. While nothing has gone as planned, I'm daily trying not to freak out, and ...others are doing the same.

-Have wondered what my future holds.

-Have been overwhelmed

-Have been loved.

Na na na na naan

2010-05-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

The best naan I've ever eaten was in China. The whole situation was like a weird dream. We were in China, in a "foreigner" (read: American) neighborhood in Kunming where we were invited to a family's home for dinner. Indian dinner. We had Indian take-out food for dinner and our host made naan. It was incredible, just as good as any naan I'd ever had on Devon street in Chicago. She said to look it up on allrecipes, which I never did. And never made it. Until a few weeks ago. I was making some curry soup and decided it was time to try what seemed to be a daunting task. It was time consuming due to the dough rising time, but simple to make. And wonderful. But it did make a lot. Enough for a party. Or for the freezer. I highly recommend either, but the freezer isn't a bad option if you need fast food. In my case, my neighbors took about half of it off my hands and the other half went in the freezer, and now I pull out naan to eat with just about anything. Like to scoop up these pesto and cabbage salads.

At home I take it from the freezer to the oven or toaster oven for a few minutes, and at work I use the closest toaster. I don't think Naan should never meet a microwave unless you plan to eat it all immediately...which, might happen anyway.

If you want to try it: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Naan/Detail.aspx

Artichoke it

2010-04-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

I always thought artichokes were a vegetable I'd never cook. They seemed too difficult to deal with.

They even look a little intimidating.

So I didn't cook them. I steamed them. And glad I did. Thank you "Joy of Cooking" for expanding that horizon.

Somewhere between the "Hey I think they're almost done" and "I think the steam stopped" and "The pot is orange" and "Don't set the counter on fire" we finally ended up with "Hey, these are pretty good!"

The artichoke steaming experiment went awry. Perhaps that's what happens when too many old friends are cooking (I mean talking) at once. If I remember right, we've been doing these type of projects for years, so the outcome shouldn't be surprising. Case in point, one of the last times we were all in a kitchen, my unsuspecting black labrador ended up covered in tortilla batter. We still ended up with some fantastic fajitas. Fortunately the twisted artichoke steaming path led to 6 people sitting around, not talking, but inhaling some excellent steamed artichoke leaves perfect for dipping in some doctored-up melted butter. Note to self: Keep track of what two people are throwing in the melted butter. You might end up with a really great taste that's almost impossible to recreate. We wished we'd made more.

And don't worry, the pot survived. Now to scrounge for some more dipping recipes.

Not a day goes by

2010-04-09T19:34:00.001-07:00

When someone doesn't ask me "When are you going to be done with school again?"

Truthfully, it's more like every few hours. And usually it's someone that just recently asked.

And sometimes I just want to slam down whatever I have in my hand (except when it's a glass vial, or a needle, then I think a little more carefully)and say "Didn't someone just ask me that?"

It's almost embarassing to admit that because I'm not short tempered. Impatient, yes. Short-tempered, no.

Ok now that vent is out. I get it. It confuses me sometimes and it's my life. And despite some days wanting to paste a "just don't ask" post-it on my forehead, I try to keep a fairly decent attitude about it all. And most days, I'd like to think that it's going pretty well.

For those that would like to have that clarity once and for all, I have 4 sets of clinical rotations over this next year that start in June and finish in June. Yes, I'm dropping work time but don't know how much or how little. After that I have 800 hours of clinical time to finish and not quite sure how I'm going to pay rent during that time. But it should all be done by August 2011 when I'm slated to graduate.

Don't even ask me what I want to do or where I'm moving after that. I don't know. I'm ok with that. You might not be, but I am.

On to pet peeve number two. When people at work who are also in school try to talk about school. At work. When I started on this whole endeavor it was with the specific intent that I would keep school at school and work at work (yes, even though it's all on the same campus) and keep my head firmly wherever I was. I've always been a "keep my head in the game" kind of person. So please, ask me about what I ate for breakfast instead of what I thought about question 52 and 32 on the exam yesterday. Because i don't want to think about the test anymore. At all. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I'd rather analyze an ABG than talk with you about an exam. Really, I would. At this point, the test is behind me. The ABG is in front of me.

On Tuesday, my only day off that I had to spend half of at school, I was told that our class was so big that we all had to start searching for clinical sites if we didn't want to end up in Palatine or Aurora (please note: I would love not to add 2 hours to my 10 minute daily commute. It would suck). So please, if I ask you who your OB/GYN is and specifically if they do pre/postnatal care it's not because I'm pregnant. It's because I'm desperately trying to find a clinical site that will have me for 100 hours.

At the same time I start to freak out that I might actually really like this clinical and want to be a midwife. And THEN what would I do? Time to closet that thought for now. It's nothing new. I've liked every clinical site I've ever been at, why would this suprise me? In fact, I'm still not sure why I'm not in pediatrics, since that's all I ever wanted to do when I was in school. Except that somewhere between one of my co-workers miscarrying triplets last week and taking care of far too many post-miscarriage D&C's this week, I am hit mentally & emotionally with the pain that these women are going through. I have so many emotionally difficult conversations with these patients. And feel beyond inadequate. On top of that, one of my patients found out that her grandma died while she was in recovery from her D&C after a miscarriage. Seriously? Why the pain all at once? All I have is fentanyl. And a listening ear. And inadequate words. I try to show the love of Christ in how I do my job. I try to make a difference, but at the end of the day it's always just the tip of the iceberg.

And yes, I know I'm busy. Somehow that's how I've come to function best. Not that I think it's the best way to live. Only that it's working, for now at least. When a friend says "I don't know how you do it!", I really don't know how I do either. Because most days it's a struggle. I had a conversation with a friend last week regarding dating (insert eye roll here). This is a whole blog post in itself. But the last excuse I want to use is that "I'm too busy." As it turns out, most people are. Not that anyone has asked me out lately. Except that I have so many things that I love to do and talk about and pursue that have been left under a blanket if only for a time. And I don't feel like it's a good time to meet me. That yes, many days I feel like I feel like a poor version of myself. And because of that, I really have no desire to go searching for guys to go on dates with. Chances are, if we don't have anything in common to talk about and are left scratching the bottom of elevator conversation, I'll probably come off tired, negative, and boring. Appearances are deceiving. Right? And then I think about how I'm 26 and do actually want to get married and have kids some day. I don't exactly put myself out there. But is it so bad sometimes to just want to go to the symphony by myself just to read? I'd much rather be there and extremely happy than on a bad date. Maybe it's selfish.

Somewhere between doing school and going to work and paying bills and almost forgetting to pay rent just about every month, and really barely ever checking my phone messages, and going to church and doing my best to live out my faith but barely ever reading my Bible, and cooking even when I don't have time because it seems to bring sanity to my life, and reading because it puts me into another world, and dancing because I can...these are the things that bring sense to me right now. Sometimes there are pathetic moments, like today when I realized I couldn't get my hair cut until May because I didn't have a free day before that. But then I realized there was an hour between class, an exam, and the time I had to be at work that I could make it happen. And that made my day.

Sometimes I daydream about what normal life might be like some day. And then it dawns on me that it probably won't ever happen.

Peppery

2010-04-06T08:22:00.001-07:00

For someone that grew up detesting peppers, I've made a complete 180 turnaround. Well, maybe a 170. But still, I'd say that's pretty significant. [Note: Edited for inappropriate calculation content. As it turns out, 360 brings you back to where you started. So glad I'm not back gagging on red peppers like when I was 8].

Last week I had some of the best Pepe Nero gelato I've ever [not] thought of eating. Because seriously, who sits around eating pepper and olive oil ice cream? It was phenomenal. This past weekend I was looking up chocolate and pepper ice cream recipes while putting the red pepper & mozzarella appetizer on the menu for Easter. Then I stopped and thought about how I used to gag on them. So glad that doesn't happen anymore.

Famous (but almost extinct) Chocolate Wafers

2010-04-04T03:57:00.000-07:00

If you've ever been to my parents' house, you've probably eaten my mom's chocolate lace cheesecake.

It's one of those tried and true recipes that goes alongside ham & scalloped potatoes, corn (cut off the cob and frozen in September), salad, and applesauce as a staple company dinner. I've always thought my mom has the corner on the market when it comes to throwing these dinners together. It's like a well oiled machine. So when she would get a call that there was a new family around that thought it would be "cool" to homeschool, she would pull out recipes and invite them over for dinner. Somewhere between the potatoes and the cheesecake, she was [laying down the law. Literally, the NYS law] helping to make sure that the family's kids learned enough to one day end up in college and beyond (Instead of just learning how to wear pj's all day).

As kids, we benefited substantially, since my parents both love chocolate so much that we were allowed to have leftovers for breakfast the next day. Before you cringe, think about it, what's not to love about a slice of chocolate cheesecake with coffee any time of the day?

At some point I started making this cheesecake, mainly so I could eat it for breakfast (same reason that I make apple pie, chocolate cream pie, brownies...). Which brings me to the whole point of this blog post: The crust.

The crust of the chocolate cheesecake is/has been/always will be made with Famous Chocolate Wafers. I never really remember my mom buying any. They were just always in the cupboard.

When I moved away from New York, I had to get creative. As it turns out, Giant and Kroger chains in OH had never heard of Famous Wafers. Not surprisingly, Dominicks and Jewel in IL haven't heard of them either. So over a span of about 4 years, I tried crushing everything I could think of to get the same taste: 100 calorie packs of chocolate oreo wafers, chocolate graham crackers, regular honey graham crackers with cocoa. My sister and mom now use gluten free products such as chocolate-o's for theirs, but I wouldn't choose that route unless I had to, which I don't. The closest I have ever come to replicating the Famous Wafer crust was with crushed chocolate teddy bear grams. I can't bring myself to do it again. Why? When was the last time you've taken a rolling pin to a bag of smiling teddy bears or thrown them in a food processor? It's depressing.

Naturally, I called my mom and asked her to buy a few extra boxes for me, like I do with certain foods, like lekvar butter and lupo's spedie marinade. Things I just can't get around here, but need. In response, my mom [almost] hysterically started on a rant about how Weis Markets was buying out Giant Markets and well...at that point, I figured we were both out of luck.

So you can imagine my surprise when I read how Deb over at http://smittenkitchen.com/ was having the same dilemma. Only she actually had a solution. As it turns out, Amazon.com sells these wafers in 6-pack quantities for people like us who always like to have them on the shelf. When she questioned how long they would stick around in the land of the living, Amazon assured her that "They last (eerily) forever)." Far be it from me to question the everlasting nature of wafers. I'm just excited that they aren't completely extinct.

While it would seem natural to post the cheesecake recipe here, I haven't had the wafers and therefore haven't made it lately and thus don't have fun pictures of it.

So when I do get 1 (or 6) packages in the mail, I'll photo-journal the process.By then I'll be back in the middle of a crazy quarter and need a diversion (read: procrastination tool).

Still images and symphony

2010-04-02T04:44:00.000-07:00

Lest it ever be questioned, I love my job as a nurse. And while there are select days when I wish I'd never set foot in a hospital, I really enjoy the different elements of my job[s]. Whether that means finally deescalating a screaming psych patient or a sobbing child or the satisfaction of starting a stellar IV in someone's thumb. I like to think that I do my job well, or at least to the best of my ability with the people and resources around.

In fact, it's easy to get sucked into that world. It likes to eat people. Hospitals bribe nurses with overtime hours. They ask you to stay late and come in early. It sounds good, but most of it comes with a price. Not financially, since they seem to be more than willing to throw money at you. But with time. It starts with canceling dinner plans with friends on a Friday, picking up a nightshift, or coming in extra on a Saturday and can snowball into a kind of lonely unhappy situation. And not leaving enough extra time hanging around to pursue interests that remind you why you want to continue to wake up every morning. Because for me, as much as I love my job, it's not about putting scrubs and a happy face on. It's about the things that we'll look back in 50 years and wish we did more of. Like making perfect pavlova or taking a trip to see my nieces or sitting in a symphony. Chances are, if I don't care about wealth now, I'll care even less about it then.

Which is why, when a friend of mine asked if I could take some pictures of a product that he was reviewing on his site, http://www.bevreview.com/2010/04/06/glassdharma-glass-straws/, I jumped on the opportunity. I really love photography. While I can't pretend to be doing any more than fooling around with the settings on my digital elph camera, I spent a few [fun] hours photographing glass straws. When you work in a career dominated by protocols with minimal wiggle room for creativity, it's nice to use that part of your brain now and then. If even just to make sure it still works. I had a blast and was happy with what I came up with. Even more exciting is that the company that makes these glass straws would like some of my photos. Which works out well, because I would like some of their straws. They are pretty cool looking.

Oh, but California.

2010-04-02T03:58:00.000-07:00

The past few months have brought a few things to my attention. First, that I need to get out. No, really, I do. Out of my comfort zone of traveling internationally then returning back to a bubble in the U.S. to work and school myself into oblivion while hoarding vacation hours like a kid with dwindling Easter candy. Second, incidentally, that a plane ticket to California or Seattle or Montana or Denver for that matter(not that I have places I want to visit or anything) are often not a penny more than flying to New York. Shhhhh, sometimes they are a few pennies less. And in this I develop a national mindset bigger than Chicago. Because I'm from the east coast, I will always maintain a few choice good and bad thoughts about the midwest which I will refrain from rambling about and save it for another day. But the furthest I've driven (aside from southern Indiana to see my brother's family)is to Holland, MI. But I try to travel economically, I try to find places where I know people...like China or Belize, and I've been eying up Cambodia and the Samoan Islands, and well, all of Europe. But what about the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone and the Redwood Forest? What about Marti Gras, or meeting someone in St. Louis? What about the Everglades? What about culture shock in my own country and meeting people and trying food and...

That said, I recently went to California for a somewhat stunted but much needed trip away from Chicago. One of my college roommates who goes to grad school in Monterey was gracious to host and traipse around her stomping grounds in Monterey and Caramel and road trip it to San Francisco. It solidified my thought that I need to get out to more places like Caramel Valley where you can just stand on a mountain and see for miles. I did that on the Great Wall of China and was speechless. But it turns out, I can do that in the U.S. too. I just have to get out of this city bubble now and then.

Details

2010-03-10T07:13:00.001-08:00

Remember the thrift piece that I was so excited about a few weeks ago? I found some new knobs and now I really love it.

Spring comes slowly up this way

2010-03-07T19:43:00.001-08:00

Window dressings

2010-03-07T15:45:00.001-08:00

For the past few years, my windows have been dressed with tablecoths, sheets, and anything I could get my hands on that was cheap and somewhat chic at the same time. But after the water damage in my livingroom last spring I really hadn't replaced the ruined curtains with anything worth looking at. A few months ago my sister sent me some curtain links from world market. While we disagreed on the actual curtains that should end up on the big giant windows in my livingroom (that's what happens when a nurse tries to talk home decor with a graphic designer), I ended up with this lyrical branch design and am very happy with them.

The making of monkey

2010-03-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

A simple Saturday morning that starts out like this

can quickly lead to this

and this complicated looking grid of dough
and these 64 tiny dough ballswhich are annoyingly difficult to make symmetricaland dipped in this...and thisand stacked in a bundt pan in circle-like staggered rowsand rising...again

And with the glaze (yum) it looks like a cake, but it's not

It's monkey bread

A few weeks ago, I attempted this monkey bread recipe. Labor of love would define the task a bit better. But, the truth is, I enjoyed it. For someone mildly OCD when it comes to the size of dough balls and width of cookies from one another on jelly roll pans, this type of recipe is seen more as a challenge than as the actual monster of a time consuming recipe that it is.

It all started the night before I made it on a Saturday morning when I got a text from my friend Sarah, who advised me to have 3 free hours available to make monkey bread. While it didn't take quite that long, it did take awhile. But I wrote some papers while it rose (twice) so the time wasn't lost.

But at the end of the process, I couldn't decide which I liked more: the actual bread product, or the orange cream cheese glaze. I to make myself stop eating (more than a few) spoonfuls of it before I glazed the monkey.

Several hours later, I ended up with the final monkey product. My neighbor Erin came over and we munched on monkey, salomi, mozzarella, and drank mimosas. I love saturdays.

Spelling and Grammar

2010-02-27T14:41:00.000-08:00

Please note: I have not censored this post.

It is no secret that I am mildly obsessed with spelling and grammar. I will not even pretend to be a great writer, but I can hold a red pen and mark up a manuscript for a project proposal or literature review with the best of them. The truth is, that after ten+ years of being force fed the APA Manual known so well to nursing students everywhere, and developing an undying love for Strunk & White, I've accepted it. It's become a hobby. Trust me, I make mistakes in my writing all the time. I try to fix them before someone else's red pen (or as is the case in grad school, red typing comments such as this).

Which is why when I came across this comic on the Oatmeal (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling) yesterday, I couldn't stop laughing. Hiccuping, guffawing, snorting, trying not to aspirate on my coffee: all of these things.

As I was discussing this with a friend yesterday, she mentioned how every teacher must want to put this poster in their classrooms. Because this content is so appropriate for middle schoolers.

Regardless, I assume that if you know me and are reading this, that you will get the same humor from it that I did and will in the future think of panda bears spewing malt liquor when pondering whether to use then or than in a sentence.

off with the old, on with the new

2010-02-27T14:01:00.000-08:00

The old

The new

A few weeks ago I came across this great roman shade [on sale] in world market. As it turns out, the one I bought was entirely too narrow for my window. It was narrow on my window, to the point that you wondered if there was ever such a narrow window that the shade would actually fit and if anyone bought that specific size or if they just ended up in a pile with reduced price stickers at T.J. Maxx. I returned it, and bought the widest replacement I could find. To my dismay, it remains too narrow. As it turns out, my window is simply abnormally wide. Which is fine, because I like the character of it, and the light that it brings to my kitchen (otherwise, I'll keep it...as if I have a choice). And the truth is, it's not really that bad. It's about an inch too narrow on either side.

So, with a bit of jury rigging, a fall, a broken picture frame and some sore fingers (don't ask), I have successfully fit the [slightly too narrow] new shade to my window. I love that it rolls up and down with a lot less work than my old shade. And, it is the perfect length for the window, which leaves me feeling a bit safer and not worried that it will end up burned on my radiator just below. Because while the old one was lovely and free (thanks to my sister), I will be sending it to the pantry now, where it actually will fit that rather abnormally narrow window and keep the cans of soup from getting too much sun. See, like so many things, it all works out in the end. Although I had been putting off installing it (because I knew it would be a catastrophic situation, which it was), it really only took a few minutes (and two stools, 3 tries, and avoiding broken glass) to do, which made me realize I should have just used a few free minutes earlier this week instead of consuming study time today.

Which made me think of this Emerson quote that I read earlier this week. "Guard your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life."

Mmmmmmmmmm

2010-02-20T22:50:00.001-08:00

I'm not quite sure, can you define that? Is that "Mmmmmmmmmm good" like Campbell's Soup?" Or is that "Mmmmmmmmmm, I don't know", or is that "Mmmmmmmmmm, too bad I just poured water on my keyboard."

Since I so unfortunately poured a cup of water on my computer keyboard 2 weeks ago to this day, I have not typed unless absolutely necessary. [Note: this is a shameless excuse for my lack of blogging] However, absolutely necessary entails most of my free time lately in regards to powerpoint presentations, lab write ups and the never-ending-group-paper-projects, which is an additional excuse. It also sometimes includes google chat and web browsing to find recipes that I just can't live without. Ok ok, so think of absolutely necessary as the broadest sense of that term.

Regardless, I refer to it as my keyboard stutter. It's uncontrollable. It strikes at the most inopportune times, and is quite disconcerting when I look up from my book to see 10 pages of a word document filled with m's.

I promise, I'll write a real blog post soon.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-03T02:41:00.001-08:00

Why pears?

2010-02-01T20:30:00.001-08:00

The question should really be: "Why not pears?"

We sit around thinking that the biggest sources of Vitamin C are found in the clementines that we inhale during the winter and that Potassium is buried somewhere in the bananas that I always seem to forget to eat before they turn brown (and inevitably turn to banana bread).

I've eaten pears from time to time, but honestly stopped buying them because I would get my hands all sticky and the staining juice would end up all over my steering wheel and scrubs on the way to work at 6:30am. Because who am I to sacrifice a few minutes of sleep for a sit down breakfast? Somewhere along the way I stopped eating them. And it's a shame, because I love pears. Even for someone slightly adverse to grainy textures in fruits (don't even get me started on golden delicious apples, cringe), I really like the semi-sweet flavorful fruit. And, I recently read an article about how healthy pears are for you and how they are chocked full of vitamins, so I decided to give them another whirl. Because I don't know about you, but the same multivitamin bottle in my cupboard is as full as it was a year ago. Trader Joes sells pears by the bag, and I have taken to buying a bag weekly and consuming them daily. They seem to go with everything: brie, cheddar, goat cheese (sensing a theme?) salads, and my favorite black currant balsamic. At $3.49 a bag (think about how much you spent on your last cup of Starbucks and how healthy that was for you), I think it's a great way to buy them. These are D'Anjou pears. Sometimes referred to as the Beurré d'Anjou or simply Anjou (that's pear slang if I've ever heard it). Besides, it has a much more sophisticated name than orange, don't you think?

My next culinary challenge is figuring out how to roast them. I've been eyeing this recipe: http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/12/vanilla-roasted-pears/ perhaps because her recipe had me at the discussion of pear caramel. I even have some vanilla beans waiting around for the cause.

But I can't end this post without mentioning how much I love my pear basket. Shortly after I moved to OP, living off my vacation hours from my old job and loving life, I wandered through the boutique on Madison street just west of Harlem. I found these twisted wire baskets and loved them. So if find yourself wandering along Madison street or just need somewhere to go, wander your way in to Deedee & Edee's. http://www.deedeeandedee.com/. Or if you need a baby gift (which, I always seem to be in need of lately), you can also wander your way into the Treehouse Boutique, which is equally as wonderful with unique baby clothes and gifts not priced any higher than Children's Place or Baby Gap.

If you find yourself wondering just how healthy pears are for you, look no further because I read your mind and already looked up the nutrition label. Just look at that, 12% of your daily Vitamin C.


Serving Size: 1 Medium Pear

Amount per serving
Calories 98	Calories from Fat 2

Hide Daily Values

% Daily Value*

Total Fat 0g		0%
	Saturated Fat 0g	0%
Cholesterol 0mg		0%
Sodium 2mg		0%
Total Carbohydrates 26g		9%
	Dietary Fiber 5g
	Sugars 16g
Protein 0g

Vitamin A	1%	Vitamin C	12%
Calcium	1%	Iron	2%
Potassium	33%	Vitamin E	10%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Thrift joy

2010-01-30T11:04:00.001-08:00

I live on the same street as a thrift store called the brown elephant. I have found many wonderful treasures at the elephant. A pair of seven jeans for $7, pyrex bowls, 20 books for $10, my favorite sweater...you get the idea. But of course, I never seem to find exactly what I am looking for, but rather, everything else that I'm not. For about a year now I have been looking for an bedside table to rescue the pile of books on my floor from ominous dust bunnies. The stool by my bed ends up being almost too small for my lamp and a mug at the same time, and frequently my alarm clock falls off, causing me to look for AAA batteries that roll under my bed at 2am. My nemesis. So I've taken up the habit of stopping in for a few minutes after kickboxing and grocery shopping on Saturday mornings to look for the perfect end table (I know you are laughing at my creature-of-habit-tendencies). After months of looking, I had yet to find it...until this morning. I had just found the perfect nightstand x 2, when I heard my neighbor (well, ex neighbor, they now live 5 blocks away) Ruthie call out my name. She walked up and said "Aren't those great? I was just coming to buy one of those I saw last night." So in the end, we both walked out with the perfect nighstand for $15 apiece. Or rather, heaved our way out of the place carrying them very awkwardly. Note to self: Never try to carry something this heavy up 3 flights of stairs after kickboxing ever again. But I end up determining quality by how heavy something is (ok, maybe that's not the brightest idea, but it's worked so far).

Yes, I really did just spend that long chattering on about a nightstand. Next goal: find some custom chunky knobs to make it a bit more interesting. Also: stop procrastinating and get writing the paper I have due on Monday.

Grace Medical Mission to Haiti 2009

2010-01-18T22:58:00.001-08:00

Sak pase?

2010-01-16T20:43:00.000-08:00

If there was ever a situation of things going from bad to worse, it just happened in Haiti."Sak pase Sarah, are you going? They need you there, you know Haiti," my Haitian coworker Patrick greeted me at work the morning after the earthquake. He talks to me in Creole every day and does his best to teach me a new word every day. Patrick speaks to me in Creole, Miquel speaks to me in Spanish and they are slowly, but surely, determined to turn me trilingual (fat chance).

Last year I spent weeks raising support for a 10 day medical mission to the outlying villages of Port Au Prince. The truth is, there were probably more friends trying to convince me not to go than were interested in supporting me. But I was also amazed and blessed by the support that I did receive. We saw a total 712 patients for malnutrition, dehydration, malaria...etc. Since the earthquake I've had three different organizations ask me to go completely sponsored, and multiple friends have asked if I was going and if they could support me. My email inbox is flooded with questions about where to donate to, and opportunities to go. It's true, we know this: in situations like this, many of us function on emotion, we want to do before we think. We want to help, but we're not always sure how. It also makes me realize why we so often fail at sustainable health efforts in overseas settings.
I just spent the last hour on the phone with a friend who used to work for the Peace Corps in Mali. She also spent a significant amount of time in Haiti about 6 years ago. She was asked to go to Haiti next month by a coworker who works with a private organization because she speaks fluent French, and they will be flying her in to Santa Domingo then going by helicopter to help at one of the only standing hospitals in range of Port Au Prince. She was told to bring a backpack and one carry on with enough food for herself for two weeks. I asked her how she felt about it, and not surprising to me she replied "I'm so scared. I don't think people realize what a dangerous place Haiti was before, and it has to be so much worse now. By going there, I'm a target, a risk, and a liability. They told me to be prepared for a war zone. But I'm joining Doctors Without Borders next year, so why not start here." It is probably one of the most honest and realistic responses that I've heard all week.
Haiti is a very dark place. It looked like it was destroyed by an earthquake before the earthquake. The buildings that we held clinics in had only partially remaining walls, and we used curtains as makeshift walls and doors. Major dehydration and malnutrition ravaged the childrens' bodies. I remember assessing an 8 year old whose hair had all fallen out, and trying aimlessly to thread an IV in the veins of a dehydrated 15 year old for an IV antibiotic. One of the sickest children that I saw had a serious respiratory infection, but we couldn't seem to get the electricity to stay on for long enough to administer a nebulizer treatment (5 minutes, we couldn't get the electricity to stay on for 5 minutes in a row, the nebulizer kept stuttering to life and then quitting again). Furthermore, the electricity was turned off every night and turned back on every morning at an unknown time.

The image that will forever remain with me, was an elderly man who had obviously sustained at least one major stroke. His arm was curled under and he walked with a cane, one of his legs dragging behind him. He was in uncontrolled A-fib and no doubt had multiple comorbidities. He wanted medication that would fix him. But we brought a doppler ultrasound with us, and perhaps one of the greatest joys, was seeing the smile on the face of one of our pregnant patients when she heard her unborn baby's heartbeat for the first time, probably the only time, during her pregnancy.
Riding through Port Au Prince I saw more machine guns in one day than I'd ever planned to see in my life. Everyone had a gun on their back, including young boys. Pigs and goats roamed the filth ridden streets, and young children wandered together in groups. Fires burned seemingly everywhere, and the air was thick and difficult to breathe with the pollution. While it had originally horrified me, cement compound walls topped with barbed wire quickly became a safe haven for our group. It was barely clean, but it was safe. Haiti needs so much help right now. But they have needed it for years. And they will need it for years. The malnourished children that did have families are now orphaned, the women with severe osteoporosis now have broken bones, and the barely standing houses that multiple families shared are now rubble.
I'm overwhelmed by the response of my church, Park Community Church here in Chicago: http://www.parkcommunitychurch.org/. As a major supporter of sustainable health efforts overseas, they have been largely involved in the dispersion of water filtration systems worldwide. As part of the relief response, they have already begun to send water systems with teams to Haiti. Additionally, they are partnering with CURE International to help provide financially and send medically trainted volunteers to assist in hospitals which will be maintaining their home bases and supplies in the Dominican Republic and chartering helicopters to crude hospitals in Haiti as they focus on the need for surgical procedures in the upcoming weeks.

While I cannot feasibly go to Haiti anytime soon, due to work and school commitments, many people have also asked me about what groups I would suggest donating to. I traveled to Haiti last year with Grace Mission to Haiti, which is a grassroots Christian organization with multiple construction and medical efforts within multiple villages around Port Au Prince. They had multiple teams in Haiti at the time of the earthquake and have just arrived home today after evacuation through the Embassy with assistance of millitary transportation. They plan to rebuild their sites and clinics in the future and will need all the help they can get: http://www.gracemissionpage.org/

CURE International is a group that I plan to fully support in upcoming weeks as they focus specifically on orthopedic surgeries. CURE International focuses in multiple third-world countries on pediatric surgeries. A majority of Haiti's population is currently children who will need care in the year to come. http://www.helpcurenow.org/site/c.nvI1IeNYJyE/b.3411401/k.14D8/About_CURE.htm

The further the sky...

2009-11-13T15:31:00.000-08:00

The bigger the dream
The rougher the ride
The truer the love
The deeper the ache
The blinder the faith
The tougher the go
The higher you reach
The further the sky
The more miles you walk
The longer the road
The steeper you climb
The harder you stand to fall
The stronger you get
The heavier the load

...Gabe Dixon Band

One of my favorite windows...

2009-10-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

Oh violin

2009-09-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

Every time I sit in an orchestra audience, every time I hear an irish fiddle, it inspires me to pick up my violin again. Oh for the days in highschool when I spent 2 hours practicing every night. Why didn't I appreciate that more?

foodie: a person devoted to enjoyment of food.

2009-09-08T15:21:00.000-07:00

I love food. And I love taking pictures of food. Amidst organizing a few years of pictures, I came across these photos of some of my favorite foods. It's crazy, this taking-pictures-of-food business. But for some reason, when I look at each picture I remember the moment, the environment, the food...

Our last night and last meal in in China. We were all seated around a large round table. This dish was amazing, and you had to delicately avoid the beautiful peppers if you ever wanted to taste again.
Venetians. Yes, the are as hard to make as they look. I will never lie about that. But they are always completely worth it. One of the many christmas cookie recipes passed down through generations, some year I will actually photodocument the ridiculous process that it takes to produce them. Again, completely worth it.
Toffee cracks. Oh toffee cracks. These were always some of the first christmas cookies we would make each year because they froze so well. Jessica was making these when our house burned down November 16th in 1995 [Correction. Jessica's baking of toffee cracks did not burn our house down. Perhaps the smell of baking numbed our senses to the initial smell of smoke, but the fire started on the opposite, addition side of our house]. Although they aren't all that difficult to make, they do require some sense of candy-making and the elaborate use of a cold glass of water. This year I took the picture when I made them very quickly to take to a last minute Christmas party. Stat toffee cracks. They turned out great.
Mocha-rum truffles. I love these truffles. For years my mom made these truffles, setting them up quickly in a bowl of ice so we could hurry the process a bit. It was perhaps one of the messiest cookies to make, as we rolled the sticky mocha truffles in cocoa and crushed walnuts. Since then I have learned to be a bit more patient and learned that it is always worth the wait. I have also started dipping them in chocolate and drizzling them with white chocolate, because it extends their plate life at parties and dinners.
Cranberry bark. How many pounds shall I make? I have given this away for the past few years because it is ridiculously easy to make and everyone loves it. I made it with toasted pistachios this year, but always go back to the toasted almonds and craisins taste. There is something so simple and addictive about them.
Pavlova. Chocolate pavlova. With raspberries and whip cream. Easily one of my favorite desserts ever. I had vanilla pavlova for the first time in New Zealand and absolutely loved it with kiwis and strawberries. Jessica made chocolate pavlova for me for the first time for my 24th birthday when I had first moved to Chicago. We were at a Gypsy Kings concert at Ravinia, and had folded up pavlova in tin foil and carried the raspberries and whip cream along with it. It looks so difficult to make and is really so easy, as long as you don't slam the oven door, and bake it at the right temperature. This particular picture was at my friend Lauren's apartment in the south loop. We had a housewarming party for her, and wondered why we don't all have dinner parties more often.

It's just a cup of hot chocolate. But it was amazing. Lijiang, China. In a little hidden restaurant called Nordic Delight (no, not turkish delight, that is from chronicles of narnia), a bunch of wonderful people from the Netherlands serve up non-chinese food with free internet access all day long. Call it a haven for travelers, call it a break for the stomach from spicy Chinese foods, but it was absolutely amazing. They have a piano that anyone can play, pile of books and games...it was reminiscent of a bed and breakfast. We had dinner there one evening by the fire inside from exploring all day, and never really wanted to leave.

When we set out on our hike on the Great Wall, we never really anticipated that it would take us about 6 hours. We had water, almonds, craisins, and granola bars. But by the time we got to the end of the wall, acrossed the bridge, up a tall set of stairs and down to the bottom by zip line, we were so ready for this meal. It was interesting sweet and sour assortment of vegetables, peanuts, and chicken. And it was amazing. It could possibly be one of my favorite meals in china.

Wisdom teeth weekend

2009-09-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

It has been months since my last post. The last 6 months have been somewhat a blur of school and work that consume hours of days and days of weeks and weeks of months... I start to become annoyed with the phrase "I'm too busy to..." and wonder what happened to all of the hobbies that I once loved. It is easy to get into a pity party and forget why I started this big endeavor to begin with. Which is why it is always nice to have a break from school and work.

Last weekend I went to Indiana for a long weekend to spend some time with my brother and his wife and three of my seven total nieces. It was a much needed mini vacation and I got caught up on my current disney movies, highschool musical 3 karaoke, and 1st grade reading material.

To celebrate Labor Day, I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. I would probably be a perfectly happy clam if it was just the top two which were easily pulled out and don't hurt much at all. But the bottom two were taken out surgically, around some nerves. And I'm still feeling the nerves on both sides. I'm not sure what to think of it. If i hear a door slam or something drop or a noise too loud, the pain gets worse and I want to scream. Ouch. It's strange. I'd rather not be around anything or anyone that makes noise.

That said, in the last two days I have watched 3 stupid movies and 2 good ones, organized and bought books for fall quarter, read the Time Traveler's Wife in two sittings, caught up with some friends while talking as little as possible, reorganized a lot of digital pics, eaten a lot of ice cream, and tried in the end, not to do or say anything too important or stupid while taking vicodin and motrin atc.

Photo editing is one favorite luxury that time doesn't often allow for. So vala, here I was feeling somewhat other-worldly, and I decided to edit a big pile of pictures I took last weekend at my brother's house. I love these girls. Not only because they are my nieces and also ridiculously photogenic. But because they have such big hearts and big personalities to go with. They ask inquisitive questions and love little things that I loved when I was little, like reading in bed with a nightlamp. It has been so much fun to watch three babies grow up into girls with hopes and dreams and personalities, and to be part of their family who can be there for them as they grow. I wish there was a way to bottle their innocence.

Adventures in China

2009-01-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

I just returned home from my 2 week trip to China, Dec 26-Jan 13 with stops in NY and NJ and have a minute to breathe before heading back to work for the weekend! China was never top on my list of places to visit in my life, but with my friend Sarah living there and another friend Erin willing to make the trek with me, it was a no-brainer. Although I'm kind of feeling like I skipped Christmas and NYE all together this year, it was totally worth it. I flew to NY the day after Christmas and although my plane was a bit delayed, I was able to spend a nice afternoon/evening with Mom, Dad & Grandpa...and Dave & Bev :) Ragy, Erin's boyfriend, volunteered to drive us to NJ early in the am for our afternoon flight. 14 hours in the air, a few hours of sleep, and we were in Beijing!

It was amazing. Quality time with good friends and adventuring around China made this experience probably my best vacation to date. Somehow Erin and Sarah and I have stayed close friends since childhood despite cross-country and time-zone phone tag. So with an ornithologist, a nurse, and a teacher on board we had a lot of different perspectives to share! We split our time among the cities of Beijing, Lijiang, and Kunming. We started out in Beijing at the Olympic Village, and visited the Forbidden City, The Summer Palace, Tian'anmen Square, and The Great Wall during our time there. Beijing was north enough to be equivalent temperatures to Chicago, so I was glad that I packed my warm stuff!! The Great Wall was definitely the highlight of the trip. It was cold enough (20s) to keep away most tourists, and because it is not a national holiday vacation there we pretty much had the place to ourselves. Fortunately we had a beautiful sunny day and a 4.5 hour hike to keep us warm! We hiked mainly on unrestored parts of the wall and took a zip line off at the end. None of what we did would meet any sort of safety codes in the U.S. but it was an adventure and it doesn't get much better than that. :)

The Summer Palace was beautiful! Set on the edge of a lake, it is a series of beautiful architecture where the emperor used to spend summers... Looking out over the Forbidden City from a Pagoda in a nearby park

Lijiang was another favorite part of our trip, an old town filled with canals set in a valley below the famous "Snow Mountain". We braved a local night bus 6 hours from Kunming to Lijiang to spend a weekend in the town. The scenery was beautiful and we ventured out of the city to do some hiking in a village further out.

The town of Lijiang was absolutely stunning at night, and one of my favorite parts of our stay was watching these candles float through the canals during the evening.
Kunming is where Sarah lives, and is a much bigger city than I had ever imagined. I'm not sure what the population is, but it's a rolling city with many areas similar to Chicago. So this is where Erin and I learned to master the art of bartering in the market and other places in the area. Sarah had to restart teaching during our week there, so Erin and I learned the bus system, how to ride a bike the Chinese way, how successfully catch a cab, a boat, a cable car, and how to tell the shady unmarked taxis from the safe ones. We relied on our sign language skills to get ourselves around a with the help of the lonely planet guide and Sarah's cell phone. What ensued was a lot of fun adventuring in the city and the surrounding Western Hills!! We also spent a day helping out around the international school where Sarah teaches 4th grade, and helping with an English class at a local private Chinese school created specifically for the "2nd children" in the area who are ineligible to attend the government run schools.

I liked some Chinese meals better than others, but breakfast was always a big hit. :) Most of the time it was some kind of egg pancake, but this was a sweet rice tortilla with peanutbutter sauce inside. Trips to the market were always an adventure! We learned a few words to shop with, and how to barter and buy "safe" food, and started making meals for Sarah and her roommate on the days that they had to teach.
We took a bunch of little daytrips from Kunming, and one of our favorites was to Green Lake Park... in the afternoon everyone danced and played music through around the lake. It was beautiful, and fun to watch all of the different groups of people playing violin/cello or singing (it was always kind of freaky singing) or playing some version of a Christmas song.
Learning a crazy circle dance at Green Lake Park. They all seemed to find it hilarious that a foreigner was trying to dance their dance, but it wasn't really that hard.
We did a lot of hiking...but, Sarah also knows all the places to get the best pedicures and massages. A full body massage costs about $3/hour, and a foot massage cost about $2/hr. I have been told that this nail polish might never come off :) But at least it's pretty! The Saturday before we left, we took a bus to a hot springs spa, where for $10US, we could sit in rose petal and other random hot springs all day... we also decided to go for the mini flesh eating "exfoliating" fish pool :) It was QUITE the experience, one of those "We're in China, we have to do this" things. I realllly wish we had pictures, but we weren't allowed to take cameras in, so this will have to do.
Erin and I went hiking in the Western Hills a lot. It MIGHT have had something to do with all the birds there, but we had a lot of fun and there was a lot to explore and a lot of beautiful scenery to take pictures of.

Looking out over Kunming from the top of a hill...the smog was amazing.
The last day that we were on our own, Erin and I decided to venture to an adjacent city to see a temple called "Dragon Gate" carved out of a very steep cliff. It was amazing! Unfortunately it was also the coldest day that we were there...which made the taxi to bus to boat to cable car to long walk to cliff to see the temple a bit long and freezing cold. Fortunately it was worth it! There were little tunnels running through the cliff and around it to various parts of the temple... it's hard to describe, but amazing. Besides, on one of the long walk parts of the trip, Erin saw a bird that, in her words "I've been waiting to see my whole life!!!" ...I guess for an ornithologist, that's pretty exciting, haha.
I could probably make an entire photo album of all the food we ate while in China. Fortunately we didn't (surprisingly) get sick from all of the new types of food and spices that we tried :) This was our last night in Kunming at a huge restaurant up the street from where Sarah lives. It is designed to look like a boat and is run by Arabs... it was quite the experience especially because there was a wedding reception happening there at the same time, but the food was great!

To fall...

2008-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

Lydia. I love this little girl. She calls me "Dar" and gives the best hugs and kisses a person could ever hope for. She has the makings of a comedian, and can melt your heart with her eyes.

I love fall. The crunch in the leaves and apples, the bite in the cold air, the smell of woodsmoke that reminds me of home, remembering my sweaters and scarfs like old friends, and leaving the oven open when I finish making cookies. All of these things are my favorite.

But when I close my eyes and feel the wind blow, I really can't believe that it's almost November. I feel like I lost September, and while I have enjoyed October, it too seems to be slipping through my fingers as the streets and stores slowly fill with Christmas. Forgetting Thanksgiving has always been a huge issue to me. It seems like our culture these days forgets all about what it means to be thankful and to set aside to remember that... and skips right to giving and receiving. Maybe if we hung out on Thanksgiving more....

My trip to China is finally coming into shape, as we finish up our itinerary and get our visas... I'm getting so excited not only to visit a foreign country that I have never been to, but to have the opportunity to spend some quality time with two of my closest friends. Two people that I play cross-country and time-zone phone tag with to stay in touch, and yet never seem to lose contact all together. It's going to be great.

The past few weeks have been challenging at work. Challenging perhaps, an understatement. Taxing to the point of complete frustration and breaking point burn out would be to put it better. Sick sick patients, difficult family situations, technology problems, overwhelming staffing issues... and yet, somehow, our staff in the end always seems to pull it together and make it work. We stay late, come early, and burn ourselves out. Its great and horrible. A picture of unity and stupidity at best. So I remind myself that there is a light at the end of my tunnel at least. I rounded with palliative care yesterday in my student role in the FNP program. I ended up in mediation between an upset staff nurse and the rounding attending... I'm not quite sure how it happened, but at that moment in that position, for once I could see myself in this type of role and think I could actually be good at it... it's exciting, or at least I think so.

For now I'm looking forward to the rest of my life.

Again?

2008-10-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had another student for 12 hours.
This time she was an archeologist that spent most of her year in egypt digging up pyramids each summer. She decided to move to chicago, go to college again and become a nurse instead.
I only hope that I can display that kind of passion for what I'm doing with my life.

Left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe....

2008-09-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have managed to double-schedule myself twice this week. This required a bit of un-doing.
You may ask "HOW does that happen." But I assure you, it is most certainly possible. I'm in the midst of a 2-credit 2 week class stint... it's not a difficult class, but finding time for a clinical component, thrown in with an unpredictable work schedule, annual competency lectures and exams, CPR certification, a lab requirement and my Physiology class... all landing in the same week, I'm starting to wonder how it happened. How this week went from looking wide open, to turning into about 70+ hours spent at non other than Rush. Fortunately it's only a train ride away. But seriously?

Yesterday at work I had a nursing student for the 12 (which turned into 14.5...) hour shift. It was quite fascinating, how she went from being a professional dancer with a dancing degree into a 1-year degree nursing program from which she will graduate with a BSN in November. Perhaps it's just me...but I put in my 4-year time in nursing crazy land to graduate with my degree. This said, I do not condone 1-year nursing programs. I never will. While her heart was in the right place, she had almost absolutely no clinical time with this uber-short program....granted, this was her "day" in the ICU, which can be daunting and overwhelming and fascinating all at the same time. However, throughout the morning I began to realize that the common sense factor was seriously lacking. Hopefully this will remediate. One way or another my patients and I gave her quite the SICU experience...it's like it was special ordered. Our day started off with 2 patients ...one with a suspected right atrial clot with showering clots causing loss of various pulses... and one with a tracheal stricture requiring quite a bit of stretching. So, a TEE at the bedside, dopplers, a trip to CT... it was a good time. The other patient earned a pulmonary artery catheter in the middle of the afternoon after a quazi-code ...another bit of excitement. It was also interesting that I ran into her clinical instructor at our annual competencies this morning... her instructor expressed concern for her, and for once I feel like I was able to actually give an honest input that might influence a future nurse of america....like...whoa.

The thing that my student missed is what made my day worth it, when my PA cath patient's family had written me a note and put it on my pocket on my way out the door at 9pm. It's true. People ask me if I get hardened to the situations that happen on my unit. Because it is crazy, that is in our world a technical word. But no, I don't think that it's about getting hardened to anything...it's about being comfortable with handling the situations that I'm in, and doing it with some amount of grace, but realizing that each patient and family is dealing with a plethora of emotions that I cannot deny them. That at the end of the day, I do realize that regardless of what happens, how much blood gets on me, how many narcotics I have pushed, how many codes I've helped with, how many blood sugars and vital signs I've taken, or just how frustrated I might have gotten... that these situations are not just about the monitors and the numbers. That there is so much more at stake than physical wellness.

"How are we going to get through this craziness?" I asked.

There was silence for a moment.

"Left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe," he said.

- Plan B: Further Thoughts On Faith (Ann Lamott)

What a day.

2008-09-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

Some days I wish would never end. Some days I wish had never started. I've had both of those days this week...what a banner week, and it's only Tuesday!

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities may have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Redirection

2008-09-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

But this is taking so long to take shape. Too long. Scary long. I am in that middle part of the redirection. I think - the part, that is undefined and dark. I keep moving but I don't feel any shift in place. I'm rowing but I have nothing to navigate by, other than the original promting to get in the boat and go to the other side. What other side? Where is that? It's vague. Somewhere "over there"

Going somewhere means leaving somewhere. Choosing something means choosing against other things. Gaining something means losing something else. And between the old and the new - the "was" and the "not yet" - there exists only one thing: a very frightening journey called faith. It is stripped of the usual comforts. It comes in one color: dark. It offers one amenity: catharsis.

And perhaps the most significant truth - the one that supersedes my senses, the one that circumnavigates my obstacles, the I should be focusing on now - is who makes the journey with me, who ordained it, and who is in the boat.

- Margaret Becker, Coming Up For Air

Rainy half

2008-09-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Friday evening at work I had a fever, a cough, and that ever running nose. After caring for a combative patient that tried to bite me, then attack me, and helping with a code that lasted 2 hours, and after being lied to regarding Saturday staffing, I decided that I would call in for Saturday.

Saturday I spent the day on the couch. It rained all day. It was fabulous. I watched all the movies I haven't seen in the last...oh, YEAR. I finished travel plans for North (and South) Carolina. I searched tickets for China. By the time I woke up Sunday morning, I felt MUCH better. It must have been the couch sitting.

Sunday I ran the 13.1 miles of the half-marathon in the rain. Not a mist, a sprinkle, or ...no, it was steady...torrential at the end, with wind. It wasn't raining when I left my apartment for the blue line. It wasn't raining when i transferred from the blue line to the metra. It wasn't even raining when I walked to the race site. But it was POURING when I tried to get to the start line with the other...18,000 runners. But we couldn't get to the start line because spectators were stalling with california-sized golf umbrellas. So a muddy field started the race... what can I say, it was QUITE the experience. The race itself went surprisingly well, and I finished with about a 10-minute-mile in 2:07, thrilled that I actually finished with halfway decent time. A cup of coffee helped me stop shivering, haha... and I came home...

....to find a leak in my livingroom! Which I have spent the last several days taking care of, and cleaning up from. BLAH. I'm not even a home-owner, but with all the flooded basements around here, no one really cares about my ceiling/window molding, regardless of how much a mess it makes!! So I used every towel I owned, and caulk once it dried. And it finally stopped raining. But with Jess's flooded basement and Seth's tree-falls, I have LITTLE to be complaining about...

Yeah, very little to be complaining about. Except my contacts. I went for my ..um, 6th optometrist visit today in about 2.5 weeks. At which time we ordered yet ANOTHER pair of contacts for my crazy eyes. BLAH. Perhaps my eyes weren't meant for contacts. Maybe my eyes were meant to wear prescription sunglasses. again, blah.

I started school yesterday. A physiology class. I was pretty excited actually. But 4 hours into the lecture about second messengers in cellular microbiology and function, I was ready to forget that I EVER loved the smell of new pencils. My palliative care class has potential. It's only 2 weeks. 2 weeks, 2 credits worth of posting and discussion and a whole lot of BS, then DONE. :) WOOHOO.

Tuesday night after work I went to a church worship team meeting. Turns out violin is one of those rare instruments for this church, haha. I'm excited to get involved. And I met a violist. Jackpot. We're going to play some weddings together.

The next few weeks are going to make me reminice about how I used to have time to spare. Annual competency exams, ACLS certification, clinicals, classes, work, life, NC wedding, Myrtle beach mini-vaca..... love it.

I'm going to go make ratatouille now. I love typing that word.

Chocolate Pavlova (aka death by chocolate)

2008-09-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

I have seen series of food pictures and recipes posted in blogger for some time. Considering how much I love both photography and baking, I have decided to give it a shot....

Just the egg whites

Cocoa

Chocolate shavings

Ready to go in the oven!

Ready to eat...

Visiting New Zealand my Junior year in college solidified my love for Pavlova. Pavlova with whip cream, strawberries, and kiwis became a strict staple in my diet during that month.

I'd almost forgotten about this delectable treat until my sister made it for my birthday last summer and I was in love again. But this time it was chocolate!! Since then I've made it a few times, always grabbing bits of the recipe off-line and crossing my fingers that it would turn out the way I hoped it would. Despite its fancy appearance, it is an incredibly forgiveable desert, and easy to make for even the most novice bakers. This week I pieced together the recipe as I made it for a friend's dinner party on Tuesday night. A friend asked me for the recipe and so I had to write it down...

Honestly, so much of this was “to taste” but this should make it turn out the same way… as long as you have 6 egg whites whipped to perfection, and are careful folding everything in, the minimal amounts of everything else don’t really matter that much!:) For instance, the original recipe said 2 tablespoons of cocoa, and I needed much more than that to be happy. On the other hand, I cut out a ½ cup of sugar to emphasize the chocolate taste and eliminate some of the sweetness that would be made up for by the raspberries. Be sure to use bittersweet chocolate.

Chocolate Pavlova with Raspberries

Preparation: Parchment paper or paper bag cut to fit a normal size jellyroll pan. Place an 8 inch pie-plate or bowl upside down on this paper and trace a circle. This will be the template for the pavlova. Preheat oven to 275 degrees.

Pavlova Ingredients:

6 egg whites

½ tsp cream of tartar

2/3 c. cocoa powder

1 c. sugar

1 tsp balsamic vinegar (I used black current reduction, but I don’t think it matters)

1 tsp vanilla

8 oz. bar of bittersweet chocolate shaved/finely chopped

Pavlova Directions:

Separate six egg whites from yolks and discard yolks. Whip egg whites with hand or stand mixer. Add cream of tartar while mixing, and add in sugar a few tablespoons at a time (just pour it in slowly in increments from the measuring cup). Whip this mixture until shiny stiff peaks form. The cream of tartar and sugar will prevent it from separating.

Sprinkle cocoa powder on top of the egg white mixture a few tablespoons at a time and fold in slowly, adding vanilla and balsamic while mixing. Mix carefully but thoroughly until all of the mixture is the same color.

Fold in the shaved chocolate carefully, saving about ¼ cup of chocolate shavings for garnish. Thoroughly but carefully mix.

Use a scraper to place the pavlova mixture on to the 8 inch template on the jellyroll pan lined with parchment paper. Fit the mixture within the 8 inches, and mound on top, making a slight indentation 6-7 inch indentation on top where the whip cream/raspberries will be placed.

Bake for 1 ¼ hours at 275 degrees until pavlova is set, dry, and crisp to the touch but not brown around the edges. It will be soft and chewy inside.

After finished baking, turn the oven off, and open the door slightly. Leave the pavlova in the oven until completely cooled. As it cools you will notice slight cracking – this is ok!:)

Topping: 2 c. whipping cream

1 tsp vanilla

¼ c. of sugar

1 small container of fresh (not frozen!) raspberries

Just before serving gently place the meringue onto a serving plate. Whip the cream in your electric mixer, with the whisk attachment, until soft peaks form. Sweeten with the sugar and vanilla and then mound the softly whipped cream into the center of the meringue. Arrange the fruit randomly, or in a decorative pattern, on top of the cream. Serve immediately as this dessert does not hold for more than a few hours.

Facing the crazy

2008-09-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

FP Ohio Retreat

Alyssa & Ellie

Johnstown, PA wedding

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

It seems like every time I turn around, I am facing a fear these days. Be it in my job, on the road, in traveling, with family, with friends. A lot of it seems to do with change. This isn't always such a bad thing. Sometimes it means just landing in a situation where I am required to excel at things I've never done/seen before.

This month I have finished a school quarter, attended a Pittsburgh wedding, an Indiana family reunion, an Ohio retreat, and just about to run the half-marathon on Sunday. Something about that sentence screams too busy, but truthfully it's been a blessed wonderful inspiring several of busy weeks in my life.

Dumpster Diving DIVA

2008-08-22T11:35:00.001-07:00

2 days ago I was walking to the Buzz for some much needed caffeine. On my way home I came across a Papasan frame. I ....have been considering getting a papasan chair for my bedroom, basically to hold clothes or pillows, and occasionally myself and a good book. Unfortunately, my thriftiness "I don't really need this" gene usually wins out, and I buy a new book instead. However, it's also always nice to have another comfortable chair to pull into my livingroom for movie nights with friends. I might also throw it in my kitchen sometimes, there's a nice chair spot in the corner.

Anyway, the papasan frame still had a World Market sticker on it that said $60, and it was in fabulous shape. So I dragged it upstairs, balancing somehow my coffee, bag, and clumsy papasan pieces... haha...

Yesterday before work I ran to Pier 1 for their sale & student discount and found a green Papasan cushion. I love it! Cheap and shabby chic....

A quarter-century

2008-08-18T18:39:00.001-07:00

So today I went from being an early twenty-something to a mid-twenty something. I didn't get carded at dinner, and people are starting to stop asking me if I'm old enough to be a nurse. I'm ok with it, actually...

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

the WISH list...

2008-08-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

There is something at work called the wish list.

All of my friends think this is a mythical creation. I beg to differ.
Finally, I have proof. And it's in my small pay check.

There is something at work called the wish list. It is in the front of our schedule book, and if you "wish" to have a day off, you can put yourself on the list. It's the perfect compromise between not taking vacation and avoiding a fake cough to call in sick when you've been out (cough) a bit too late the night before and woke up with a ...horrible headache.

It technical terms, you can prophylactically plan for ...a late night or a friend in town when last minute planning threatened to send you up the creek without a paddle (sound familiar?). Unfortunately in real life, these wishes do not often come true. No, people are too busy clogging their coronary arteries with greasy last-call bar food, killing livers with kegs of beer or tipsy martinis, and their lungs with tobacco on lunch break or under peer pressure. I mean, transplants are happening left and right these days... someone gets a heart from georgia, and someone else gives up a kidney for their dad (I mean....that's love). I was called at 11pm on Tuesday night and asked to come to work for double pay (that would have been a lot of not-worth-staying-up-all-night-money), because one of our patients was requiring 3 nurses.... sounds like a good time, does it not?

I am also on night shift currently for my month rotation. Enough said? I would rather take the month off, eat ramen every night, ask for food for my birthday, walk everywhere I go, pay rent a month late, then continue this comatosed night-shift insanity that I am now steeped in. Seriously? The only good part about nightshift is that cookies on the 5th floor go half-off at midnight...

I have digressed. So I put myself on the not-so-mythical wish-list for thursday and friday nights. Fully expecting to not get my wish, I began to anticipate my parents are here for the week. I had ...all intentions of working on homework projects and papers and studying and cleaning my apartment and going grocery shopping and paying my bills, washing my car, putting fresh flowers on my table and (well you get the picture)... before they came. However, as said, I am on nightshift. This typically renders me useless. Going back in time a bit, I recently had 4 girl friends in town from NY for last weekend who left Monday night followed by friends who came in from Philly Friday morning.

My parents came into town Thursday night and like magic, like cinderella, like...belle... I got my wish. I was able to drive out here Thursday night and surprise mom...who was excited to see my new glasses (we horvaths get excited about those kinds of things). I also got my wish on Friday night and pretty much feel like a queen.

My parents are staying in Wheaton at Jess & Sam's, so I'm time-sharing. Tomorrow we're going to see Jersey Boys downtown after church for my birthday!:) ...I can't wait... I've been wanting to see this show for awhile.. and while all I could afford were balcony seats, it should still be amazing. If not, we can throw rotten apples (or tomatoes, I guess it's more the season...).

Monday is mom-time with breakfast downtown and massages at this...pretty incredible massage school I found where you can get an hour-long massage for uber cheap. This will be followed by my free coffee coupon at caribou and my free stirfry coupon at flat-top, and my free ben& jerry's coupon, and coldstone coupon, and body shop...and... can you tell I stalk the birthday offers?

The wish list saved the weekend, to say the very least. Wishes do come true.

The question is how I'm going to get finals done, start a new quarter, audition and start the worship team at my new church (Which in my friend Aaron's (guitar) words "I hope we can get in, it kind of seems like you need a record deal to get your foot in the door") , join a small group... and still be out of town or friends-in-town every weekend through the second weekend in October... I'm accepting any and all suggestions (and don't include whole bottles of wine, this would just be counterproductive).

Shocker...

2008-08-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

So today I floated to the Neuro-ICU. I loved it there. I may have found myself a new job, and that thrills me. Right now at my year anniversary in the SICU I am contemplating jobs in the GI clinic (4, 10 hr days), the Pain management team(5, 8 hr days), and now, the N-ICU... it would keep me a rotating 12/hr staff member...and I was hoping to get out of rotating, so we'll see.
However, I got to work this morning, and my patient informed me "Yeah, I started having seizures when I was 14... I was an altar boy and was struck by lightening outside a church- it was a shocking experience"

....I couldn't make these kinds of stories up if I tried.

I guess nightshift pays in Tinley...

2008-08-04T09:40:00.001-07:00

Nightshift nurse earns more than Illinois governor and supreme court justices

The Associated Press

CHICAGO --

A suburban Chicago nightshift nurse earns more than the Illinois governor and the state supreme court justices, placing her among the highest paid public employees in the state

That nurse earned more than $201,000 last year, tripling her base salary through overtime and shift pay at the Howe Development Center in Tinley Park.

She's ranked seventh on the list of the state's highest paid employees and office holders.

Number one is Chicago Police Superintendent Jody Weiss at the top of the list at $309,000.

The rankings were published Sunday by the Chicago Sun-Times.

Weiss' pay is $88,000 more than Chicago's Mayor Richard Daley, who earns just more than $216,000. Governor Rod Blagojevich earns well below Daley's pay check. Blagojevich brings home $166,000.

What a year...

2008-08-04T06:44:00.001-07:00

I moved here one year ago with little idea of what my life was going to look like. I love Chicago, but there was so much to learn. The ways my new job in the SICU was going to challenge me, the all-nighters that I'd pull for grad school papers, the frustrations I would have with a vintage apartment...freezing in the winter, so hot during the summer, the lack of water at times. Or how much I would miss all of the relationships I had developed in Columbus. And just how important it is to have a sub-zero down jacket and waterproof boots when you step outside in the winter....

So one year later, I've finally found a church that I love, some wonderful friends, great neighbors to share dinner with on the occasion, and while school and work are still keeping me occupied, it's finally starting to feel like home....

Celtic Fest

Ravinia

My niecelet

Sarah H & Sarah D forever....

Alissa & I enjoying a free concert

B.B.King

Small Group Party

St.Patrick's Day -it really is green....

Christmas Eve

Halloween

A fall visit from the neices

My very first CUBS game!

Dreamhalloween Children Affected by Aids fundraiser

Half Marathon with my sis

Does the view get any better?

Morning by morning I wake up to find The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine, Season by season I watch Him, amazed In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways.

All I have need of, His hand will provide He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain I can’t remember one single regret In serving God only, and trusting His hand

This is my anthem, this is my song The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long God has been faithful, He will be again His loving compassion, it knows no end All I have need of, His hand will provide

He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful He’s always been faithful to me.

-Sarah Groves, "Faithful"

Summertime. It's hot, and fabulous.

2008-07-31T06:28:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed. By a wonderful sister & brother-in-law & adorable neice (even when they are out of town, sniff), some great new friends to celebrate summertime with, and some dear old friends that have visited over the past few months!
So this is proof that full-time work, half-time school does not squash the potential that chicago summers hold. Highlight of the week? Running out of the movies at grant park at 11pm on tuesday night when a torrential thunderstorm started... we were soaked to the bone before we even crossed columbus drive... sitting down at seemingly the only restaurant still open and willing to let soaked people eat there? Priceless.

Venetian night

Movies in the park

Breakfast with Catherine @ The Buzz

Favorite study spot on Montrose Beach

Ravinia...fabulous food, great conversation..amazing concert

Venetian night

Sarah squared at Millenium

Forever known as Sarah H & Sarah D on the 96th floor lounge

This is actually a golf shop...

Movies in the park with Liz

4th of July with Jess, Sam & Lyd

Ravinia with Alissa

Beautiful

Ta-da

2008-07-25T04:16:00.000-07:00

Here is my new blue baby, ...a fabulous shade of turquoise if I do say so myself. I found it on craigslist, a retired guy who rehabs schwins and sells them out of his garage in OP for an affordable first bike price. Some new tires better for street riding and a more comfortable seat and I was ready to go! It's an 18 speed older mountain bike with rapid fire gears - so far I love it, and have been trekking it to the store, the library, the pool,the lake and anywhere else I can take it. I haven't named it yet. I'm taking suggestions.

Best shot summer

2008-07-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

I think this is one of my favorite best shot summer pictures so far, at Paradox Lake, NY.

It has been such a full, fabulous summer... so much traveling and much more to come, but I'm very excited. At the moment I'm preparing my house to have a cat invade for 2 weeks. I am babysitting my friend Sherry's somewhat snobby siamese cat named Justus. I wish it was a little dog instead, ha, but we should have fun just the same.

School is keeping me well occupied on days off, and just enjoying the beautiful summer here in Chicago has been a lot of fun, concerts in Millenium Park, Grant Park & Ravinia, days at the beach and rollerblading/running by the lake. I'm in the middle of planning a few trips a few months in advance and getting excited... Indiana for Labor Day, Long Island, North Carolina, Buffalo, NY, Pittsburgh for Manda's wedding, a fall retreat in Marango, OH, camping at the Indiana Dunes, a winter cruise to the Bahamas and... drumroll, CHINA to see my friend Sarah where she teaches in Kunming. Of course all of this will be done in the most cost-effective manner humanly possible, I can't wait :) Until then, Sarah is coming to visit me this weekend and Sharon from LI in 2 weeks.... still finding a way for Mom to get here to spend a little girl time with my sister & I before the summer runs away...

Today I'm buying a bike - pictures to come...

A few of my favorite things

2008-06-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

This past week was truly the beginning of summer. Enjoying beautiful weather and a city coming alive, finishing spring quarter and loving a few days without homework! :) Highlights?

- I tried a new church. Church "hunting", "hopping", or whatever you may call it, has always been difficult for me. I hate the thought of getting somewhat involved then getting up and "hopping" away. But with working weekends and being out of town frequently, after going to my current church without a pastor and a dwindling young adult population for about 6 months, I really thought I should look around a little bit for a better fit. So I am trying out Park Community, a fairly new church downtown that recently bought a building near cabrini green, focusing on the gentrification of that area. They have worship on Thursday nights, and 10am and 5:30pm services, which I'm excited about for those months when I'm working nights. I loved the worship, the speaker, and the people that I have already met. The first young adult event that I went to was a bbq and worship on the beach...I mean....how could you go wrong?

- I spent about 6 hours on Sunday without electric along with most of Oak Park, and the busy intersection on my corner became a chaotic nightmare. So did dunkin donuts and starbucks, but they were still open.

-I finished school, and somehow aced my final giving me hope for an A in Biostats. Unfortunately on my work break yesterday I bought summer quarter books... the title of my Epidemiology book is none other than "Epidemiology, Biostatistics, and Preventative Medicine"

- I met my neighbors and we went out to dinner friday night after work. They are a young couple named Erin and Jeff, and a dog named Merlock. She is in PA school and he makes stained glass. I'm excited to get to know them better. :) It is pretty cool that she is in PA school locally, and her friend Megan also joined us for dinner... Megan is currently in a surgical rotation at Rush so ironically I've ended up working with her every day in the SIT.

-I bought a grill and an ice cream maker. After spending most of the winter without buying anything, I decided these two additions to my life would definitely enhance the summer and my neighbor relationships. :)

-Last week I saw BB King for free in Grant Park!! He was amazing, it was fabulous aside from the mud filling Grant Park. At 82 he is still an amazing performer.

-I ventured to Ikea on Sunday and decided to revamp my bedroom. I never cease to be amazed by what a little change can do for a room. Thanks to a $20 duvet cover, $2 sheets and the things Jess has taught me about creating sheets into curtains, I was able to have a fairly new looking shabby chic room for about $24. Yay.

-This past Saturday I went to my first Millenium Park concert of the summer... it was a beautiful evening, and I met some of my other OP neighbors Alyssa and Emily for dinner on a blanket :) It was beautiful. On the way home, we saw this mouse hanging off a blue line train track switch... I couldn't help but take a picture...

-I registered for the september half-marathon this morning. Eek! I'm in it again...

Poor little mouse.

First Millenium Park concert of the summer

BB King in Grant Park! Pictures were hard to get, so this was the best I could do

My new Weber

My "new" to me bedroom

My neice Lydia playing with sidewalk chalk at a bbq

.... she is destined to be an artist like her mom :)

Summertime

2008-06-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it is June.

I know I say that every year, but this year I mean it, really. Perhaps it is because people were still wearing mittens a few weeks ago, or because time just seems to be flying amidst final projects, nighshift rotation and road trips.

A few weeks ago I drove to Ohio to surprise my dear friend Lori on her 30th birthday. It was a last minute trip, and I was surprisingly able to see many friends and even get some quality time and good conversations in over the long weekend.

This school quarter has flown by...thankfully...and I just finished my final 18 page Psychopathology paper. So glad to have that done, but my Biostats final project and exam are looming around the corner. Like, tomorrow. Ah. Every week my dislike for online classes on the quarter system grows exponentially, but at the same time with the inconsistency of my crazed schedule, it is nice to have the flexibility of not having to attend 4-hour classes each week... even if it does mean teaching myself. This summer I'm taking research and epidemiology. Not my first choices to say the least, but I'll have them out of the way so I can enjoy the finer sciences :) I love science. Really, I'll probably regret saying that in my second quarter of physiology, but I'm looking forward to getting away from these core paper-writing classes.

Last weekend I flew into Baltimore early on Friday morning, rented a boat (cough, I mean, a pontiac grand prix), and drove to Delaware for my friend Morgan's wedding. Thanks to 404 beach traffic it took me almost 4 hours to make the would-be short drive. At least it was a gorgeous drive, even if I was sitting still for most of it. Her wedding was beautiful, and I had the guestbook duties which was wonderful...an incredible seafood rehearsal dinner and no expensive dress to buy. At the reception I sat with a few good friends from nursing school and caught up with them after the wedding before driving back to Baltimore to ditch the rental car thanks to Kristin who picked me up at the airport and agreed to be my tour guide for the next two days....well, an hour after I finally found a gas station in the large Baltimore airport and returned the car with a full tank.

Sunday after church Kristin and I spent the day at Inner Harbor...it was beautiful, one of the first perfect summer days of the year. Below is a picture of the harbor from Federal Hill.

We had a great afternoon wandering around... I can't believe that it was my first visit to Baltimore, having lived in Harrisburg for 4 years, but so glad I finally got to see it! We walked around the visionary art museum for awhile... the glass mosaics and flower gardens were beautiful but they were setting up for a wedding reception so we couldn't stay for long! After watching a random street performer and going out for dinner, we promptly got stuck in the city. The rail system apparently stops running at 7pm in Baltimore (in case you needed to know that), so fortunately Kristin's mom was able to come rescue us and we narrowly avoided a large cab bill.

Monday we took the metro to Alexandria to meet up with Aunt Karen & Uncle Larry. We
convinced a fish & chips place to open up
early because they had been hoping to try it

and besides, after much indecisiveness on all
parts, we had all agreed to it :). It was so nice to

have a few hours to catch up. It seems like I

haven't seen my Aunt and Uncle in forever, and family gatherings in NY usually leave much to be desired in terms of quality time with anyone. We took a water taxi from Old Town, Alexandria to the new "National Harbor" in Maryland, which boasts the huge Gaylord Resort. Seriously, there is a full size house in the lobby of the hotel!:) On the shore of National Harbor, "The Awakening" was recently transplanted from its original location...I had never seen this, so
it was fun to wander around and it was such a gorgeous Memorial Day. In the afternoon Kristin and I met up with my friend Jordan for margaritas before heading to the airport for my late flight. It was such a great weekend away.

Only 2 more weeks left of nightshift before I again return to the normal world. This rotation to the nightworld has been surprisingly ok. Our census is so low, with most of our mandatory staying home hours capped...so we are perpetually overstaffed. It's not good financially for our unit or the hospital, but it at least lightens the workload for now and puts everyone in better moods.

I am semi back into full swing with training for the half-marathon, and just finally purchased a new pair of running sneakers for the event. Thankfully I have a number of friends who are looking for running partners in Oak Park and all over Chicago so I don't have to train by myself unless I want to!! I have started running at the lake more often this spring, and love the breeze and the open space. I do get sick of running on the streets and stopping for cars, buses, strollers, dogs...etc., so I'm hoping to run at the lake about half of the time.

Summer is finally upon us and I have a bit of a sunburn to prove it. Two barbeques this weekend ushered in June, and the Chicago summer schedule is filling up with music and movies in the park, and Grant Park festivals. I'm afraid to leave town and miss something!:) The Blues Festival is this weekend....where else could you see BB King for free?

Spring Fever

2008-05-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

I love my walk home from the train. Throughout my life there have been few situations that a long walk couldn't help. By the time I reach my door, the day is behind me in my steps. Tonight was beautiful - balmy, breezy, and accented by a gorgeous red sunset. And yet I still can't help but think about my day. So many emotions fill my mind throughout a 12-hour shift.
The patient that was withdrawn from care next door, with family members mourning their loss filtering through the waiting room and unit. This has been a daily event on our unit in the last several weeks. Unsuccessful surgeries, long recoveries with sad endings. It becomes real when I think about my friend's mom who recently died suddenly of a heart attack, and how this was her family two weeks ago.

A 19 year old patient shouldn't be receiving a second liver transplant connected to a ventilator and PA catheter, waiting for her parents to get clearance to visit from another country. A 19 year old should be enjoying college life and the beginning of summer freedom this time of year. A 16 year old should not be having a second leg amputation and being sent home with hospice, given 6 months to live. He should be enjoying legal driving, and the final years of freedom in adolesecnce. When I talk with these families and hear their stories, I stop asking why. I will never understand.

But days like today give me hope. It's trivial perhaps, but hopeful. Like many mornings, mine started in a flurry of activity, residents requesting extra labs, phone calls, visitors. Between checking hourly blood sugars and calling the pharmacy for missing meds, I stared at my patient's monitor and realized that I needed to draw a mixed venous blood sample - I couldn't remember how, and thankfully my hall-mate Kim had just been "reminded" how to do this a few days earlier, so she helped me out. This began the team-tagging of the four patients that we shared on the hall, and really was the epitomy of a day full of teamwork for us, between sending one of my patients to a long-term care facility, and sending one of hers to a medical floor, managing her alcohol withdrawl patient, and my liver transplant patient, we kept busy and both ate lunch at 4. But somehow, it was actually fulfilling.

My day started out with a great conversation with one of the head transplant attendings. She is amazing, personable, and one of the best surgeons in Chicago...all of those three traits co-existing? Very rare. Maybe it was because as I was helping one of the senior transplant residents rewire a triple lumen IJ catheter, somewhere between opening all of the items that he had forgotten onto the sterile field, and helping him position the patient, he goes "Where did you come from?" and I was like...what do you mean, I've been here almost a year? And he was like, "Well, I just never remember you being here, and you are so pleasant, great to work with, and doing such a good job with this patient, I just never say that outloud enough and need to more often". It was strange, but appreciated because one of the last times I had a transplant patient, I called a code with the patient in the CT scanner and the team was less than thrilled.

But it's true - regardless of where you work, it is important recognize each other for the roles that we play in the workplace. There are some physicians who have a very small grasp of what the nursing staff does with patients all day long - and whether we like to admit it, the nursing staff doesn't understand everything that the physician is responsible for. Within the SIT world the lines are often blurred- there is a high level of stress, expectations, disappointment, and every day is not without it's rewards or let-downs. A doctor might be checking blood to hang or spiking albumin, while a nurse is putting orders in... the roles are unpredictable, and we need to realize how much we influence each other.

Yesterday one of our more frustrating physicians to work with was walking around yesterday with a red "easy" button. I have no idea where he got it from, but he showed it to patients, familes, and when I would ask him a question, he'd hold the easy button in my face. Seriously? Seriously. Yes, this is the ICU, it's not that easy. Yesterday an attending stood in my patient's room discussing stories from the military - one of the residents caught me outside the door and said "Please, get us out of here, we were stuck here for two hours yesterday because our boss wants to talk with this patient about the military." But then there was today when I got high-fives from several different teams today after I finished transferring our patient to an extended care facility - it was a big deal.

Does it always make sense? Never.

The weekend is upon me, and I am looking at spending some time with homework, finishing up projects and paperwork before my schedule switches back to nights and I spend next weekend in Delware at a friend's wedding. Running is again my reprieve from this craziness, time to spend apart from the day and just to think while my feet hit the pavement.
Every time I run on the lakeshore it gives me motivation to keep running. Something about the wind and sunshine in my face gives me energy to drive on, to run another mile.

Random

2008-03-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

Today I ran faster than 6,000 other people. Even if I was slower than the other 15,000. For a misty very cold spring morning in Chicago, I was happy with finishing my 5 miles in 52 minutes. It was the Shamrock Shuffle...a bit late for St. Patrick's Day, but fun, and my first run this year (with many more to come...) After some Intelligentsia coffee, a fabulous almond croissant, and 2 hours of listening to a chamber orchestra rehearsal with Catherine at the cultural center I headed out to do laundry at my sister's (my weekly excuse to see my neice), feed Lydia dinner and read some very intriguing board books, followed by some time at Trader Joes, and a catch up phone call with my dear friend Gina...it could perhaps be one of the most random Sundays I've had in a long time, but I loved it.

The new quarter starts tomorrow. I started to freak out because my books were taking their time to arrive in the mail... but they are here, in all their shrink wrapped glory, promising to make my eyes tired. Biostatistics and Psychopathological Disorders - sounds like a great duo, eh?? :) Online classes are quickly, very quickly losing their appeal to me... maybe this quarter will be different...

I made the decision today to run the half-marathon again in September... anyone want to join me?

Vanishing Act

2008-02-27T08:04:00.000-08:00

I know, I disappeared. The reasons?
Long and boring theoretical school papers leaving me a bit disenchanted with the thought of spending another moment typing on my computer.
A much-too-short trip to florida.
My somewhat confused day/night schedule and inability to function properly and thus, to write comprehensible blogging material.
Lack of recent wonderful original thought..I will again blame this on my theory class.
Based on these excuses and many more, I have been a blogging absentee for quite some time now and have decided to bring my blogging down to earth as i realize that although I will not always have wonderful long witty, well-versed posts to write... I should still write something to the open internet space void.

For instance: I almost laughed outloud today on my walk home from the train. Walking home on a Wednesday morning at 8am now seems so natural. I am walking home to eat a bite and climb into bed. (Although, no, I am still awake because I stupidly drank some really great coffee because I was super cold.). At this time there are many people driving in rush hour, honking their horns to get to the front part of the long line at the red light. However, there are even more people running to catch a train. Now, I have been known to sprint down the platform to catch my 6:30 train (one comes every 5 minutes in the morning, but only every 10 at night), mainly so that I can grab a seat next to my friend erin who ironically rides the exact same train (same time, same care every day) to work that I do when I'm working days.
But, watching people run to the train takes the people-watching art-form to a whole new level. A woman in stillettos, a guy with a brief case, lap top and gym bag, a girl in ugg boots and much too short skirt, ....an entire class on their way to a field trip... you name it, tall short, fat, thin, athletically inclined and the total opposite... it doesn't matter. When it's "-5 but it feels like -20" everyone is running to catch the train they see sitting at the platform. The good part? The train operator will typically wait if he/she sees you, if they feel like being nice. If you feel like being nice...you can hold the door. Everyone else might frown upon you, but that person running to catch their timeclock or class will thank you very much.

"Feels like -21"

2008-01-19T06:46:00.000-08:00

I was walking to the train from work this morning and I didn't even realize how cold it was. Until I couldn't feel my fingers. Or my toes. Or the tips of my ears. Not that I didn't have on gloves or socks or shoes or an earwarmer. It was just -2, but like the weather says, it "feels like -21." I agree wholeheartedly. It's freezing. But at least the sun is out. Imagine if the sun wasn't out... For now, I need to seriously invest in the warmest jacket I can find.

"Winter storm watch"

2007-12-11T20:53:00.001-08:00

Winter is here, there is no question ... sidewalks are iced over, flights are grounded. And my electric bill has exponentially grown with my Christmas light addiction. There is something so magical about a livingroom lit only with Christmas lights from my tree and windows... I don't currently have an overhead light in my livingroom, so this works perfectly.
This week I had a few days off work in a row to regain sanity. To catch up on life, bills, organize, clean, do some baking, freeze some meals. And re-start my membership at the YMCA. Never underestimate the power of a good workout for making you feel better physically & emotionally. However, after running the half-marathon this past summer I felt pretty pathetic to wimp out at the 3-mile mark! On a treadmill I truly feel like a gerbil and get bored very quickly regardless of how exciting my music is.

Today I was realizing how thankful I am for so many things in my life right now. It's been a tough month, mainly because I'm working nights at my new job which is challenging to begin with, without throwing off my sleep/eating/life schedule as well. Some days are just overwhelming and I'm homesick for ...I'm not sure what...NY? OH? But then I realize that both of those places have followed me to where I am and I am forever thankful for the people God has placed in my life every step of the way. I get off work at 8am and might have 4 or 5 missed phone calls from people in my life. Maybe they were just calling to say "hey" or "I really need you to call me back!" but either way, I feel surrounded with these friendships.
Friends from college and from Ohio have been so supportive of my move & are constantly in touch & giving me their support...sending me emails, notes, phone messages...I love these people and how they influence my life. Pam, a co-worker from my old job sent me a sweet note this morning, she was one of my preceptors when I first graduated, a mom away from home, an amazing role model as an experienced nurse, and I miss her!!

But then there are friends from NY who I have known forever. Those people, that you know can't disown you as a friend no matter what...that I have long conversations with on Sunday nights to catch up on life. We have been through so much together, even if we don't even see each other every year, we don't let more than a week or two go by without catching up...

And there is my family...the constant listening ears of my sister & sister-in-laws. The phone calls of "You'll never guess what" or "I just have to talk to someone..." The people that have known me for as long as I have breathed and even if it's as simple as my mom who called from NY this morning to say "Seriously, more ice?" and chat for awhile. I love that we are friends with each other, and it means the world to me. They know my worst fears and my biggest dreams, but won't tell...

And there is Chicago. The world of young professionals in a busy city presents a dilemma to the social scene. The "hey, are you free right now to get coffee" or "Ok, so on the 18th at 3pm we might be able to do a late lunch..." It amazes me how I have several friends who I have STILL not been able to connect more than once since moving here. Not that we don't get along well or want to hang out. Not at all. It comes down to work schedules, traveling, holidays, weekend commitments, and life in general... yet the cup of coffee, the night at the symphony, walk downtown, dinner on tuesday night, breakfast after work....they are moments that I cherish and love to spend with people that ...yes, I barely ever get to see.

This past weekend I went out to dinner with another new nurse on staff at work. We are both new to this thing called "rotator shift" and it was great to talk with someone that has also just moved to a new city, a stressful job in the ICU and said goodbye to any sort of schedule in life. It was funny, how we could almost finish each other's sentences. Truth be told, misery does love company and it was nice to have someone to vent with. However, I think the good part is that we both have hopeful attitudes for the next few months. It's easy to internalize and personalize some work issues that really need to be set aside, and sometimes just talking them out is the best way to let them go.

And I am blessed by so many.

Random

2007-11-17T06:56:00.000-08:00

I made the switch last night. To nights for a month until I rotate back. I'm sitting here now trying to decide whether to go to sleep or not. I've been up for more than 24 hours, which happens much too frequently when you work nights. What do you end up with but a slighty grumpy, giddy self. Last night I admitted a patient just as I started my shift... every day this first week off orientation I have admitted, discharged, transferred patients like it's my job Oh, that's right...it is). It's been a tough first week off...I feel a half a step behind the rest of the nurses, like I will eventually get on the same race track, but for now I'm just trying to keep up with the crazy pace. Although for some reason, 12 hours at night seems longer than during the day, I'm not sure why (although it could be because everyone else is sleeping) but it's just how I feel. However, I walked home amidst flurries this morning...I love a first snow, for me it was the first that I've seen this year!!!

My first quarter class of grad school is over! I survived...it really wasn't bad, it was an easy class, however... remembering how to write in APA research style again took a little bit of anxiety, blank staring at a stack of journal issues and frequently banging my head on the table. These teachers must sleep and breathe APA to be able to pick up on issues such as my reference page for example... "This reference page is excellent, but don't forget that it is the journal number that should be in parenthesis and there should be a space between the parenthesis and issue number that follows but it should not be italicized." Can you say headache? :)

I am hosting a game night tonight for my Bible study. Ahem. This will be a first for me in a long time... and somehow I have to get my apartment cleaned, make some food, do some grocery shopping, and perhaps find a nap...before everyone comes early this evening. 9 people have RSVP'd.... I know that I don't have that many chairs. I must find some good floor space with big pillows, hehe. I'm hoping that it will be a fun time had by all. :)

Uncertainty

2007-11-05T19:22:00.000-08:00

It's a plague. The fear of the unknown. It can be an incredibly freeing and crippling tie-your-stomach-in-knots feeling all in the same milisecond.

Sometimes I make lists of life in my mind. Lists of all the things going right, going wrong, all of the things that seem to be spinning out of my control, things that are perfect or at least moving towards an under-control state. And then, things that I really need to regain control of (ok, sit down now, and read your Bible, journal, and have some God-time), and things that are ok to let slide (like those piles of pictures that really need organizing but are ok in a box for now). And then things, like my singlehood state, that are presently an unchanging variable. The other day I realized that at 24 I am the oldest that anyone has ever been in my immediate family that has still been single at this age. I also seem to have people questioning me left and right about my decision to jump back into grad school, putting my financial state in a precarious place, and my social life on the back burner. Basically, there comes a time in nursing when you will either continue on the floor and move on to charge nurse and management positions.... or you will work doubletime to get through school + earn another degree who have a different kind of job as a nurse. One that perhaps will, one day, allow me to have my weekends back and work days shorter than 13 hours.

Yesterday morning I played in the worship band for the Upper Room at church for the first time. Despite forgetting to set my clock back and almost walking out the door an hour early, it went great. Fabulous actually, the band playing yesterday morning was amazing and in a mere hour we put together a 7-song set at warped speed. I was impressed. The guitarist leading was so excited to have a violinist that he found a few spots that we could duel back and forth in harmony and it was a lot of fun! I'm so excited to be involved.

Last night I went to the free civic symphony with a friend downtown. I love to watch people and to fall into a half-asleep state lulled by the upstrokes and plucking of the violinists. I miss playing in a symphony. There is something so special about being part of something so big and beautiful. This time of year a few years ago, I distinctly remember playing "The Christmas Song" with our 100-seat Sr. Youth Orchestra and recording it in the tiny BHS band room on Sunday afternoon. I remember our orchestra conductor coming into practice with a bloody hand wrapped in kerlex after having cut off half a finger with a circular saw and saying "the show must go on". I remember stressing out about my seating audition playing Copland's "Hoedown" and freaking out over the scales in the last few stanzas, when at the end, someone would always shout out "Beef, it's what's for dinner."

Julia and I ended up at Potbelly's after the symphony last night, due to the early closure of starbucks, caribou, border's, barnes+noble, argo tea, and pretty much everything else in the theatre district and overall downtown Chicago due to the Sunday night timing. Fortunately Potbelly's has milkshakes and cookies, and I have a sweet-tooth. And there was a nice guy behind the counter that gave us cookies for free (Thank you nice guy!). It was great to be able to sit down and catch up with a friend.

I really have no way to end this post except by saying that consumerism is annoying me this week. Perhaps it is the Christmas season, the increasing costs of J-Crew sweaters and Starbuck's double-shot macchiatos, but I have been appalled by flippant spending lately.

Dreamhalloween: "Chicago's best kept secret"

2007-10-31T19:41:00.001-07:00

The "Dreamhalloween" event is held in LA, Chicago, and NYC each October to raise money for the Children Affected by Aids Foundation (CAAF). It is an absolutely amazing huge kids party for which available tickets range in the triple digits. With the help of major coorporate sponsors such as Hyatt motels, Toys'R'us or the American Girl Place motels and some hefty donations from food, car, trip, and toy sponsors, low income families + coorporate sponsor employees in Chicago receive tickets to bring their children to this memorable event.

The live auction... auctioned off a car, trip to paris etc. Free food was available from restaurants around chicago, toys and candy for each child, arts and crafts, shows, polaroid shots with their favorite costume characters, clowns (With Mack makeup artists standing by), a silent auction with items such as a matchbox twenty guitar with bidding starting at $1000.00, a season of box cubs tickets.... I heard last year they raised a million, but haven't heard the stats from this year yet

The best part? All funds raised in each major city channeled towards needs for children affected by aids in that specific city. Oh, and there was an extended visit from one of CSI New York's main actresses - only wish I watched CSI New York, haha. Definitely one of the best organized events I have ever volunteered for. However, all I really did was walk around with Mr. Potato Head all night... he does have big feet.... and can't really see too well. In my spare time I hung out with Tweety, Popeye and the whole cast of random costume characters.

See my picture link for more pictures of the event!! To learn about CAAF & learn how to volunteer for their sponsored events, visit:http://www.caaf4kids.org/

A jump-start....

2007-10-31T07:07:00.000-07:00

When I moved to Oak Park, I found a church fairly quickly with the help of my sister's acquaintances. I like the preaching, the worship, the people, and the upper-room. The upper-room is basically held in the attic of the church, and is a smaller, more low-key/intimate setting for worship and perfect for people like me that really want to get to get involved and start meeting people although I work every-other Sunday. So there is a contemporary worship service and the sermon downstairs is simulcasted upstairs onto a big screen...while it sounds strange, it's actually very well done. However, they are short on muscians and I can play, so I am starting on the worship team this sunday. So my mission to get involved is well on it's way.

So what about a young adult group? Having come from a fairly large young adult group in Columbus, I naturally sought out a group of people in my age range to worship with, perhaps have a Bible study with, maybe even hang out with. From experience, the "Young Adult Group" scene seems to be expanding to strange limits, so I was almost hesitant to inquire as if someone was asking "So, are there any hot guys here, where can I start to date someone?" As it turns out, the old young adult group has just "disbanded" because most of them reached "married with children" status, and moved beyond the single's group.

So, it is back to square one, and I find myself helping to start a young adult group. For now we are holding it on Tuesday nights and about 8-10 people come each week for worship and a small Bible study. It's very informal...for example I was sitting down last night and the leader said "Hey, Mark couldn't be here, do you have any worship music prepared...even if you don't, do you mind leading on the piano?" So pieces are still coming together, and we just got around to putting together an email list. Last night there was some obvious tension when the leader (in his 50s) asked for prayer requests from the group and one of the guys (late 20s) said "Ok, I don't know about everyone else here but I don't actually know any of you, we need to get to know each other if we are going to do this." It was a good statement... and it's true, we need to move from sitting around a table, to actually getting to know each other. It's hard, it demands vulnerability and a willingness to open up to strangers- a feeling that I know all too well over the past few months. But if we are ever going to move from Bible study pew sitters to a forming group, it has to go somewhere.

So I'm hosting a game party next month at my apartment. I have started to get to know a recently engaged couple (oh no, they're going to leave too!!), they are both family medicine residents so we have much to talk about...and they suggested that I volunteer to hold it at my place since I live in Oak Park semi-near the church and have enough space for some people and food. Because Oak park is a small suburb, people come here far-flung west suburbs, and from closer to the city, so it's the most central area to get together in. While I'm excited to start to make some new friends, it seems ironic that I started going to this church thinking "So, where is the young adult group?" to, "Come on over to my place, we'll get to know each other." Do I have time for this? Probably not.

Argo Tea

2007-10-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

Argo tea cafe is my new favorite place to go on a rainy day with my books and laptop. Reminiscent of undergrad, I convince myself that if I go someplace cool on a weekend night to study, it makes up for the fact that I am being a loser studying on a weekend night. Truth be told, if it's my only night free, there's really no other option. However, Argo tea in the theatre district is a great place to hang out with plenty of seating on the second floor and tons of outlets for laptops. They play mainly up and coming indie music but not too loud to be annoying or prevent a good conversation from starting. The good part? I can convince friends to swing by for a cup of coffee and distract me for a little bit. And this benefits me how? Oh, that's right, I don't go crazy. The owners are starting to recognize me. In fact, they give me larges when I order smalls. My favorite? Almond Latte and Earl Grey Vanilla Creme. Oh right, and they have a student discount. Yay.

Weird

2007-10-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today I was on the blue line and a college aged girl got in and sat down next to me. She had such large dog slippers on her feet that she almost invaded my personal space with the dog slipper ears. The things I see on the train...

My Fabulous Family....

2007-10-15T13:48:00.001-07:00

What a great fall weekend. Seth + Mary, Alyssa, Ellie + Riley came up to Chicago for the weekend to hang out. We had such a great time talking, hanging out, eating a lot of food, going to the playground, talking, and generally doing nothing. They are my best friends. I love that we all get along and can have such a great time together doing nothing on a weekend!!! It's amazing to watch my neices grow up. So many girls around this weekend...They are developing such independent little personalities (no wonder, in our family). I just hope I can stay close with them forever.

Miss Lydia was looking especially cute this weekend. She had her first swing on the swingset at the park and played on the tire swing and the teeter-totter!!!

Riley continued her slide obsession.

She loves to climb UP slides...

Riley is just a picture hog and looks cute all the time.

Alyssa and Ellie at the playground... this is Ellie's version of "smile Ellie"

Mary + Ellie were riding the spring car... haha, so much fun.

It doesn't make sense...

2007-10-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

I was contemplating my new job this week.
I realized that with the higher acuity patients comes more intense work days. With more intense work-days comes a great work team and lists of resources. Intense work days also create a higher level of stress and various things flying through my brain at any point in time. At higher levels of acuity, family emotions are heightened. Fear, frustration, pain, stress. On a unit where we take care of so many transplant patients, not everyone gets the organ that they were waiting for. The patient in liver failure will die very soon if he does not get a liver in time. Some patients get the organ in time, some don't. This is a fact of life - one that has to be reckoned with. While it seems so cut and dried, I am still trying to make sense of it in my human brain. So at the risk of sounding mundane and redundant - please be an organ donor. Someone somewhere is probably waiting for a liver, a kidney, a heart...

The frustrating part? How does the transplant list actually work? Can we guarantee that the alcoholic won't go and kill his new liver with alcohol and smoking? That the patient using dirty needles won't destroy the new organ with another blood infection? Actually, can we even make sure that the anti-rejection meds will do their job? That the kidney will actually take in the new body?

So as a nurse, I can't think those things at work. I am taking care of this patient without prejudice, recognizing the sanctity of life, doing every thing that I can do within my scope of care to promote their quality of life. That's why I became a nurse. Right?

Oh Oak Park...

2007-10-06T19:54:00.000-07:00

Today I got this in my mail:

"Tree swings, decorations harmful and dangerous"

"Tree swings and holiday decorations on parkway trees threaten the health of a tree and may pose a hazard to passing cars, pedestrians and bicyclists. That's why it is illegal to attatch any rope, wire, nail, sign, poster or other manmade object to trees and shrubs on village property"

AKA..."we know it's campaign and holiday season, we don't want ugly signs in your yards, arguments among neighbors, or ugly purple halloween lights strung on your trees. Oh, and we don't want your kids swinging like monkeys off tree swings. They should be reading above their grade level on their front porch swing, like a good oak park child should. "

Belize, CA, June 16-26th

2007-09-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

Picture labels to come!!:)

Fall is here...

2007-09-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

Fall is upon us. The random leaf is changing from green to orange. I always wait for the day with equal parts of excitement and sadness when the shadows are cast at a new angle and I grab a sweater on my way out the door. This summer has been one of the best of my life, full of change but so full of life! Chicago brings a flood of new experiences, a new hospital unit, a new educational trek to another degree, and so many new streets and train routes to get lost on. Writing about bad experiences can bring out the humor, journaling about favorite days can make them seem that much more beautiful. When you live by yourself... you find ways to relive experiences without talking to yourself.

Oh, and I have quit Xanga. Blogspot just seems so much cleaner and easier to navigate.

"We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - Four Quartets by T.S. Elliot